Women never cease to amaze me. They never cease to confuse me either. But these thoughts are more about the first of the two statements. The past week has been one of the most mentally trying times of my entire life. I don't know psychologically what's going on up there, but I do know that whatever it is I've had to fight through, I wouldn't have been able to endure without the women in my life. The Mom, Sister, and girlfriend have had to put up with my craziness non-stop and are still my lifeline through these dark days. I figured why not write these feelings down while I'm in a relatively normal state of mind, then come back when I'm having mental breakdown number 342860296 and find encouragement. (Friends are of course a help in any difficult time, but in a different sort of way. Their role cannot be understated, I'm just focusing this on a woman's assistance)
First the Sis, who has had to talk me out of more irrational thoughts than there are minutes in the day. She just knows how to deal with me like only she can. If other people said the "tough love" type stuff she says, it would come across as ignorant. If other people gave the sound advice that she gives, it would come across as contrived. She's just money in the bank when it comes to dealing with my absurdly high highs and indescribably low lows. When I have a legitimate reason to be upset she'll always offer comfort and when I'm being an idiot about something, she'll always knock me down a peg or two, all in love of course haha.
Secondly, the girlfriend. I think I'm a pretty awesome boyfriend. I think God gave me alot of really important qualities that let me bring a lot to the table as a significant other. I think he gave me these, however, because he knew that a woman would need to constantly remind herself of them when I'm being an incredibly huge pain in the butt (or aaayess haha). Monica has been a Godsend. She takes my trust which has been battered by ex gfs and continues to build it in her. Every time I have a worry about something, she talks me through it, even if the worry involves her. Most importantly though, there's a comfort I draw from her when I'm with her or talking to her for an extended period. It's a tremendous feeling, and completely unique to her. I love being with her, when we're together my cares drift away, all future worries are banished, and I'm back to a happy, summer-like state of mind.
Lastly but not least (quite the opposite in fact), the Madre. She gets the worst of it. She birthed me and raised me and there's not a thing in this world significant that's happened to me that she hasn't been there for to some extent. For all her work through 23 years, she's still holding my 225 pound frame by my hand as I'm dangling off life's cliff, expecting to fall into an abyss named Death (sounds dramatic, I know, but that's cause it is) She gets the biggest dose of crazy from me, and even though it pushes her to the limit, she still is there pushing me forward through the most painful times. A son and mother have a special bond, and sometimes for mothers it must feel like a curse, given the propensity of boys to find themselves in the stickiest of situations. In reality there's no such thing as a "Mama's boy" because I've met every kind of guy imaginable and none would ever downplay the importance their maternal unit had in making them who they are. There is no greater example of this than in my life. Anything I do in life is ultimately because of my Mom's influence.
The bottom line is that when a person hits a rough stretch in life, their are certain people who they let it out to. These people are the ones that take time out of their day to help. Their the ones that sacrifice however good they're feeling to empathize with you, They carry your corpse-like load around even though their bodies are far smaller in stature. In this case, I'm talkin bout my girls.
Friday, January 30, 2009
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Public Speaking (and a little Open House Pooping)
As I sit on the john (or is it jon?) I can't help but think this has probably been one of my day's top 3 moments. I have an open house, which tonight happens to feel horribly lonely for some reason, but at least I can take care of business with the door open and a laptop at my disposal to type away on. (For all you people who think that's nasty for some reason I challenge you to think of a better reason than "it just is")It feels liberating, something my day did not feel till this point.
Anyways it has been another predictably awful day at Temple U, and I am generally having an harder start this semester than even I could have expected. So I'm gonna warn the public now in all caps so that everyone knows where I'm coming from...IF THIS BLOG CONTAINS VERY DEPRESSING POETRY IN THE DAYS TO COME, DON'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU....today was especially brutal because I ran into Satan in college class form--public speaking. A 3-hour torture session featuring unreasonably high student expectations, severe cases of red-face, heavy perspiration in an overly heated, unflatteringly lit classroom. That's okay though because you also get to do an inane amount of research, only for the possibility of a decent grade. If anyone knows me, they know that I'm not afraid to talk to anyone and I'm not afraid to look like a complete jackass, the second feature being pretty much a commonplace actually. That said, put me in a classroom setting and I'm a shaking computer nerd trying to ask a girl to the school dance. Add to that my bi-polar, winter depressed self and you have a recipe for disaster.
Thursday is generally a great day of the week, which is why this turn of events is particularly unfortunate. I hope Public Speaking Class dies a slow and painful death. It will, probably at the hands of yours truly in the Spring of 2009.
Anyways it has been another predictably awful day at Temple U, and I am generally having an harder start this semester than even I could have expected. So I'm gonna warn the public now in all caps so that everyone knows where I'm coming from...IF THIS BLOG CONTAINS VERY DEPRESSING POETRY IN THE DAYS TO COME, DON'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU....today was especially brutal because I ran into Satan in college class form--public speaking. A 3-hour torture session featuring unreasonably high student expectations, severe cases of red-face, heavy perspiration in an overly heated, unflatteringly lit classroom. That's okay though because you also get to do an inane amount of research, only for the possibility of a decent grade. If anyone knows me, they know that I'm not afraid to talk to anyone and I'm not afraid to look like a complete jackass, the second feature being pretty much a commonplace actually. That said, put me in a classroom setting and I'm a shaking computer nerd trying to ask a girl to the school dance. Add to that my bi-polar, winter depressed self and you have a recipe for disaster.
Thursday is generally a great day of the week, which is why this turn of events is particularly unfortunate. I hope Public Speaking Class dies a slow and painful death. It will, probably at the hands of yours truly in the Spring of 2009.
Monday, January 26, 2009
Things I Don't Trust
So for whatever reason I felt compelled to put together a list of things people do that make me very wary of their character. This list is in no particular order, and future addendums may be made to this list where I feel necessary. If you see something on this list that applies to you, please don't take it personally, it just means that I think you are a horrible human being who should find the nearest bridge. No don't jump off it, just feel free to continue across and move permanently to New Jersey with the other human waste. Wait, I think that's the perfect way to get this train moving...
1) New Jerseyans
I'm not sure there's any way to put this without stepping on some toes, but plain and simply, Jersey-folk are strange. I'm not talking about the transplants who were born elsewhere and migrated to the Garden State. I'm not talking about the beach bums who go there for a summer getaway or for a random walk on the boardwalk. I'm not even talking about the people who own property over there in addition to their non-Jersey residences. I'm talking about the Jersey born-and-bred, Jersey-"educated", Jersey-state-of-mind people. Something about them is just a bit off from the rest of society. There are few exceptions to this rule, but then again, there are to most rules. I know the idea has been thrown out there already, but I completely support it: Let's expand Pennsylvania territory and get ourselves a beach.
2) People who say "supposebly" instead of "supposedly" and "alls" instead of "all"
These people can not be trusted, under any circumstances. If you attempt to look up the word supposebly in the dictionary, you will fail. Suppose is a word that you can successfully use in a comprehensible English sentence. Supposebly, nah, not so much.
Ever heard someone say, "alls I have to say is that..." or "alls I know is..." Some people who try to make the word "all" plural are actually relatively intelligent, believe it or not. Still, one can only scratch their head and wonder at where that "s" came from. There's always something off with the people who make these grammatical mistakes. Everyone has their grammatical fopahs here and there, but not all grammar errors are created equally, and these 2 are particularly unconscionable.
3) People who's best friend is of the opposite sex
You simply cannot have a best friend of the opposite sex in my humble opinion. A best friend should be able to relate to you on a level that someone with different private parts is incapable of. If you're a female, how in the world is a guy going to relate to you when you are going through the birthing process or that wonderful monthly physical declaration of womanhood. And no, gay guys do not get periods so even though they can shop with the best of them, that bond can only go so far. On the male side of things it doesn't make sense either. Your average male has at least some emotional barriers that must be broken through by his wife/girlfriend. How is some female "friend" supposed to do that better that a woman he is intimate with? It is illogical to me and defies the normal dynamics of human relationships which is why these people crack the list.
4) People who don't like Pizza
The stuff is purely delightful. I'm never not in the mood to eat pizza and I think it's pure foolishness to think there is a bad time to eat it. I'll bet you there are people out there who hate dough, cheese and tomato sauce, but still love pizza. There are days I wake up and think to myself, if it weren't for pizza, I'd probably just off myself. Well maybe that's extreme. I do not support suicide. I do support pizza. I also support the annexation all pizza haters to New Jersey.
5) Girls who bitch about not finding a nice guy
We all know the girls who shoot down every nice guy that comes their way, yet continually whine about dating losers. These types of females are not to be trusted under any circumstances. Matter of fact, don't just withhold trust from them, avoid them period. Look, everyone out there is gonna date at least one loser, but the type of people I'm talking about specifically are the type that shoot down the winners. (Props to my woman with this issue by the way. One of her most endearing qualities is that she legitimately wanted someone who would treat her and her loved one with kindness and respect. She didn't want to play the "I secretly love being abused" game. Maybe that's why she's dating me. Or it could be the good lucks...eh, we'll stick to the "nice guy" thing.)
6) Cowboys fans in Philly who are not from Dallas or have no connection to the city
Does this one really need explaining haha
7) Emo Music/The emo scene
We all get depressed. Heck, I've been fighting bad depression off and on for 3 years. I won't put on eye shadow, skin tight clothing and scream like my little cousin would into a microphone. The stuff is huuuurtin. The US government just bailed out Wall Street. Could fans of good music unite in one common cause of bailing out the emo scene? They could get new wardrobes, prozac, and vocal lessons, and the world would be a more trustworthy place.
Check back soon...more to come
1) New Jerseyans
I'm not sure there's any way to put this without stepping on some toes, but plain and simply, Jersey-folk are strange. I'm not talking about the transplants who were born elsewhere and migrated to the Garden State. I'm not talking about the beach bums who go there for a summer getaway or for a random walk on the boardwalk. I'm not even talking about the people who own property over there in addition to their non-Jersey residences. I'm talking about the Jersey born-and-bred, Jersey-"educated", Jersey-state-of-mind people. Something about them is just a bit off from the rest of society. There are few exceptions to this rule, but then again, there are to most rules. I know the idea has been thrown out there already, but I completely support it: Let's expand Pennsylvania territory and get ourselves a beach.
2) People who say "supposebly" instead of "supposedly" and "alls" instead of "all"
These people can not be trusted, under any circumstances. If you attempt to look up the word supposebly in the dictionary, you will fail. Suppose is a word that you can successfully use in a comprehensible English sentence. Supposebly, nah, not so much.
Ever heard someone say, "alls I have to say is that..." or "alls I know is..." Some people who try to make the word "all" plural are actually relatively intelligent, believe it or not. Still, one can only scratch their head and wonder at where that "s" came from. There's always something off with the people who make these grammatical mistakes. Everyone has their grammatical fopahs here and there, but not all grammar errors are created equally, and these 2 are particularly unconscionable.
3) People who's best friend is of the opposite sex
You simply cannot have a best friend of the opposite sex in my humble opinion. A best friend should be able to relate to you on a level that someone with different private parts is incapable of. If you're a female, how in the world is a guy going to relate to you when you are going through the birthing process or that wonderful monthly physical declaration of womanhood. And no, gay guys do not get periods so even though they can shop with the best of them, that bond can only go so far. On the male side of things it doesn't make sense either. Your average male has at least some emotional barriers that must be broken through by his wife/girlfriend. How is some female "friend" supposed to do that better that a woman he is intimate with? It is illogical to me and defies the normal dynamics of human relationships which is why these people crack the list.
4) People who don't like Pizza
The stuff is purely delightful. I'm never not in the mood to eat pizza and I think it's pure foolishness to think there is a bad time to eat it. I'll bet you there are people out there who hate dough, cheese and tomato sauce, but still love pizza. There are days I wake up and think to myself, if it weren't for pizza, I'd probably just off myself. Well maybe that's extreme. I do not support suicide. I do support pizza. I also support the annexation all pizza haters to New Jersey.
5) Girls who bitch about not finding a nice guy
We all know the girls who shoot down every nice guy that comes their way, yet continually whine about dating losers. These types of females are not to be trusted under any circumstances. Matter of fact, don't just withhold trust from them, avoid them period. Look, everyone out there is gonna date at least one loser, but the type of people I'm talking about specifically are the type that shoot down the winners. (Props to my woman with this issue by the way. One of her most endearing qualities is that she legitimately wanted someone who would treat her and her loved one with kindness and respect. She didn't want to play the "I secretly love being abused" game. Maybe that's why she's dating me. Or it could be the good lucks...eh, we'll stick to the "nice guy" thing.)
6) Cowboys fans in Philly who are not from Dallas or have no connection to the city
Does this one really need explaining haha
7) Emo Music/The emo scene
We all get depressed. Heck, I've been fighting bad depression off and on for 3 years. I won't put on eye shadow, skin tight clothing and scream like my little cousin would into a microphone. The stuff is huuuurtin. The US government just bailed out Wall Street. Could fans of good music unite in one common cause of bailing out the emo scene? They could get new wardrobes, prozac, and vocal lessons, and the world would be a more trustworthy place.
Check back soon...more to come
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Just a Game, huh?
Anyone who thinks that professional sports is a trivial matter in life's daily hustle clearly is not watching me write this now. I have consumed no alcoholic or caffeinated beverages, used no foreign substances of any kind, and have not participated in any particularly stimulating activity in the last 24 hours, yet am wide awake at 3:30 on this fine Sunday Morning. There's only one reason for this, and its not insomnia. The NFC Championship begins in less than 12 hours. This is my 5th Conference Title Match experience as a fan of my Philadelphia Eagles, and I could not possibly be more amped for it to begin.
You see, if your not a sports fan, or not a die-hard at least, you just will not get the obsession. And there is certainly no more obsessive city in the World about their Sports teams. I know that I eat, breathe, and sleep this stuff because I have a bad week if the team loses, and conversely an enjoyable one when they win. No other factor determines the overall mood of my week more. I know that I can't live without it because if you moved me to a deserted island with no contact with the rest of the world and no possible way to tell the time, I would still know exactly when my squad was playing, cause its just entrenched within my psyche.
As I watch the conclusion of tomorrow's game, I will most likely be either hugging complete strangers in the joy of victory or venting with them in the agony of defeat. Being a fan in the City of Brotherly Love is an honor, a shared pride bridging the gap between any two people regardless of age, sex, race or background. So if you think this excitement keeping me up is not drawn from a legitimate source, the concept has slipped past you. And you think it's "just a game" huh? Well here I sit typing these adrenaline fueled letters in the hopes that you realize that one man's mere "game" is another's state of mind.
You see, if your not a sports fan, or not a die-hard at least, you just will not get the obsession. And there is certainly no more obsessive city in the World about their Sports teams. I know that I eat, breathe, and sleep this stuff because I have a bad week if the team loses, and conversely an enjoyable one when they win. No other factor determines the overall mood of my week more. I know that I can't live without it because if you moved me to a deserted island with no contact with the rest of the world and no possible way to tell the time, I would still know exactly when my squad was playing, cause its just entrenched within my psyche.
As I watch the conclusion of tomorrow's game, I will most likely be either hugging complete strangers in the joy of victory or venting with them in the agony of defeat. Being a fan in the City of Brotherly Love is an honor, a shared pride bridging the gap between any two people regardless of age, sex, race or background. So if you think this excitement keeping me up is not drawn from a legitimate source, the concept has slipped past you. And you think it's "just a game" huh? Well here I sit typing these adrenaline fueled letters in the hopes that you realize that one man's mere "game" is another's state of mind.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
End Days? No One Seems to Care...
Are we living in the end days? The question has come up many times throughout the course of human history, as God's people everywhere await the second coming of Messiah. The state of the World currently makes me feel that the end is near, the most recent indicator being the escalating war between Israel and Hamas. I have many strong feelings about that but I will save it for another post. Getting back to the point, I just don't think anyone I'm close to fully grasps this, with the exception of a select few of my friends and family members. To be honest, I only recently have been coming to terms with this. This is the most significant realization a person can make, which is why I had it on my heart to write this blog.
The culture we live in portrays those who speak of the End Times as radical nut cases who one should be wary of. I find this hypocritical to a nauseating degree. The same culture that casts out prophets lives by the cliche code of "living life to the fullest" and "live like each day was your last" or "Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow we die"...you get the point. It's a terrible way of thinking, because if you're dead, doing something that brings pleasure to the physical self immediately before you go is pointless. Why? Because youre DEAD, that's why. Dead people don't have memories, they don't breath a sigh of relief and say, "boy, I'm sure glad I had that last night of revelry as a note to go out on". There are two options, 1 is that you are no more, 2 is that the soul lives on.
Every conversation I have, if it goes on long enough, ends at religion. This should be a clear sign that all that truly matters in life goes back to what you believe will happen after it concludes. Keeping a perspective that we are only on this earth for a blink of eternity changes everything. It makes the rest of life's decisions trivial. But getting swept up into the grind is easy, and even some people who know truth abandon it to chase fleeting goals. The foolishness of such a decision is incomprehensible, and I fear that many will know of this sooner than later if the growing turmoil in the middle east is an indicator.
Eventually, there is only one decision in this life that matters, and still no one seems to care...
The culture we live in portrays those who speak of the End Times as radical nut cases who one should be wary of. I find this hypocritical to a nauseating degree. The same culture that casts out prophets lives by the cliche code of "living life to the fullest" and "live like each day was your last" or "Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow we die"...you get the point. It's a terrible way of thinking, because if you're dead, doing something that brings pleasure to the physical self immediately before you go is pointless. Why? Because youre DEAD, that's why. Dead people don't have memories, they don't breath a sigh of relief and say, "boy, I'm sure glad I had that last night of revelry as a note to go out on". There are two options, 1 is that you are no more, 2 is that the soul lives on.
Every conversation I have, if it goes on long enough, ends at religion. This should be a clear sign that all that truly matters in life goes back to what you believe will happen after it concludes. Keeping a perspective that we are only on this earth for a blink of eternity changes everything. It makes the rest of life's decisions trivial. But getting swept up into the grind is easy, and even some people who know truth abandon it to chase fleeting goals. The foolishness of such a decision is incomprehensible, and I fear that many will know of this sooner than later if the growing turmoil in the middle east is an indicator.
Eventually, there is only one decision in this life that matters, and still no one seems to care...
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