Things I Don't Trust

So for whatever reason I felt compelled to put together a list of things people do that make me very wary of their character. This list is in no particular order, and future addendums may be made to this list where I feel necessary. If you see something on this list that applies to you, please don't take it personally, it just means that I think you are a horrible human being who should find the nearest bridge. No don't jump off it, just feel free to continue across and move permanently to New Jersey with the other human waste. Wait, I think that's the perfect way to get this train moving...

1) New Jerseyans
I'm not sure there's any way to put this without stepping on some toes, but plain and simply, Jersey-folk are strange. I'm not talking about the transplants who were born elsewhere and migrated to the Garden State. I'm not talking about the beach bums who go there for a summer getaway or for a random walk on the boardwalk. I'm not even talking about the people who own property over there in addition to their non-Jersey residences. I'm talking about the Jersey born-and-bred, Jersey-"educated", Jersey-state-of-mind people. Something about them is just a bit off from the rest of society. There are few exceptions to this rule, but then again, there are to most rules. I know the idea has been thrown out there already, but I completely support it: Let's expand Pennsylvania territory and get ourselves a beach.

2) People who say "supposebly" instead of "supposedly" and "alls" instead of "all"
These people can not be trusted, under any circumstances. If you attempt to look up the word supposebly in the dictionary, you will fail. Suppose is a word that you can successfully use in a comprehensible English sentence. Supposebly, nah, not so much.
Ever heard someone say, "alls I have to say is that..." or "alls I know is..." Some people who try to make the word "all" plural are actually relatively intelligent, believe it or not. Still, one can only scratch their head and wonder at where that "s" came from. There's always something off with the people who make these grammatical mistakes. Everyone has their grammatical fopahs here and there, but not all grammar errors are created equally, and these 2 are particularly unconscionable.

3) People who's best friend is of the opposite sex
You simply cannot have a best friend of the opposite sex in my humble opinion. A best friend should be able to relate to you on a level that someone with different private parts is incapable of. If you're a female, how in the world is a guy going to relate to you when you are going through the birthing process or that wonderful monthly physical declaration of womanhood. And no, gay guys do not get periods so even though they can shop with the best of them, that bond can only go so far. On the male side of things it doesn't make sense either. Your average male has at least some emotional barriers that must be broken through by his wife/girlfriend. How is some female "friend" supposed to do that better that a woman he is intimate with? It is illogical to me and defies the normal dynamics of human relationships which is why these people crack the list.

4) People who don't like Pizza
The stuff is purely delightful. I'm never not in the mood to eat pizza and I think it's pure foolishness to think there is a bad time to eat it. I'll bet you there are people out there who hate dough, cheese and tomato sauce, but still love pizza. There are days I wake up and think to myself, if it weren't for pizza, I'd probably just off myself. Well maybe that's extreme. I do not support suicide. I do support pizza. I also support the annexation all pizza haters to New Jersey.

5) Girls who bitch about not finding a nice guy
We all know the girls who shoot down every nice guy that comes their way, yet continually whine about dating losers. These types of females are not to be trusted under any circumstances. Matter of fact, don't just withhold trust from them, avoid them period. Look, everyone out there is gonna date at least one loser, but the type of people I'm talking about specifically are the type that shoot down the winners. (Props to my woman with this issue by the way. One of her most endearing qualities is that she legitimately wanted someone who would treat her and her loved one with kindness and respect. She didn't want to play the "I secretly love being abused" game. Maybe that's why she's dating me. Or it could be the good lucks...eh, we'll stick to the "nice guy" thing.)

6) Cowboys fans in Philly who are not from Dallas or have no connection to the city
Does this one really need explaining haha

7) Emo Music/The emo scene
We all get depressed. Heck, I've been fighting bad depression off and on for 3 years. I won't put on eye shadow, skin tight clothing and scream like my little cousin would into a microphone. The stuff is huuuurtin. The US government just bailed out Wall Street. Could fans of good music unite in one common cause of bailing out the emo scene? They could get new wardrobes, prozac, and vocal lessons, and the world would be a more trustworthy place.




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