Sunday Realizations

Just a few realizations that have arisen on this lovely Sunday...


--The love/hate relationship I have with my in-semester job is starting to weigh in heavier on the "hate" side lately. This entire situation is a bi-product of me needing to get out of school really badly. The only reason I work in this dorm building 2/3 of the year is that I would be a complete idiot not to. If someone says, listen I'll let you get all your homework and workouts completed for the week and pay you hourly for it, you don't pass on the offer. The actual annoyances I face in the biz (and by "biz" i mean the world of financial aid students doing work-study jobs part time) are nothing compared to the benefits it gives me in the time management department of mi vida. I just need to be putting one of my skills to use full-time. And dealing with aggravating college students and computer technology doesn't even crack my top 20 list of things I am awesome at. Time management may however, which is probably why I'm still in this joint...but that's another story.

--I was called out this weekend at a bar for "looking disinterested." The funniest thing about the situation was that I legitimately got excited because that's exactly how I was feeling. Disinterested. It was the perfect word to describe my feelings on bars as of late, and it made me happy that this adjective was whipped out at just the right moment.

--I'm older than the phenom athletes entering the pros nowadays. Not a new realization, but one that becomes more glaring as the days pass

--I'm a despicable human being. As much as you think that sentence was typed for affect, it was also the basis of this particular realization. My Dad has a theory (which I don't think he invented, but if he did, he's more of a genius than he gets credit for) that the more people read, the more aware they become of how much they actually don't know. Whereas, those who don't care to read/learn much think they have the world all figured out. The more you know the more you are clued in that you really have no idea. Anyways, what I've been realizing recently is that the more I battle certain sins in my life the more I realize how hideous of a person I actually am. When you're living in sin, your support system is based on justifications. For instance, I'd say stuff like "Well, everyone's got struggles," or "it could be worse, at least I'm not doing (insert unspeakably awful crime that may warrant capital punishment)and on occasion I am doing (insert small good thing)"...something to that affect. But the more I face my faults and think about forgiveness the more aware I become of how much I do not deserve the mercy that Christ offers. The metaphor of light is so spot-on because of what it does to the ugliest portions of yourself once exposed. But it's getting late, and I'm beginning to preach a bit here...still, Ryan=flawed individual who does not deserve to be chosen for a pick-up hoops game, let alone the Kingdom of God. Always feels right to recognize...

--I'm an absolute embarrassment for not going to the most public place in center city and busting out some songs on the 6-string. To feel hesitant to do this because of some subconscious fear of public judgment is as illogical as it is uncharacteristic of my personality. I am knocking this off my to-do list ASAP, even if that means bringing a photographer to produce visual confirmation it occurred.

--That's actually a fantastic idea for another blog entry...Realization Sunday at its best folks

Have a swell week beautiful.