Shotgun, Straight to My Head

Tonight was one of many family dinner nights in the Lewis household. The menu for Tuesday you ask? Pasta, meatballs, salad and just the right amount of awkward conversation. Enter Ted Lewis: The man, the myth, the birdwatcher.

Two things my Dad hates and has been on recent crusades against are "partying" and The Metro (Philly's free pamphlet-sized newspaper). Conveniently, he found an article in the Metro about the school which was recently named the #1 party school in the country (by poll-taking party animals everywhere I suppose). The school is currently educating his daughter, who tonight sat directly across from him. As he passed me what must have been a crowning piece of evidence in his quest to prove the Metro is filth, he asked me one question. It was so incredibly arbitrary it caught me off guard.

"Do you know what a shotgun is?" he inquired, eyes aglow like an eager fisherman seeing a group of trout nearing his baited hook.

( Here's how Urban Dictionary defines shotgunning for those who are in the dark on this one:

1. Shot Gunning

The Canadian way to drink a beer. Always more than not its the cheapest beer that month, say Pilsner or Papst. Usually the first couple of the night are consumed this way.

Step one grab a set of keys, usually the keys for the car you drove to the parking lot party.

step two stab a hole in the bottom half of the can.

Step three twist around the keys till u have a good size hole (bigger is not better)

step four put hole to mouth, tilt head back open the can.

Step five open your throat till the beers done

step six through the can down like u mean it)


Faced with my Father's question I had 2 choices:
The first was to avoid the truth completely and say that I didn't know what this heinous publication was referring to. The second was to say yes and completely move on with the conversation, hoping he would be distracted from his heathen son's experiences in the "party" culture. I decided to take a piss in the wind, choosing the latter option, and was somehow successfully able to fluidly transition the convo away from shotgunning.

While I may have avoided my parental unit's disdainful glances and gestures, I set him off on a rant (AGAIN!!!) about how disgusting it is that the liberal media is vomiting all over people's ability to formulate an opinion on their own (TRUE) and how the Metro should be totally discontinued because of its content (FALSE). It's great for people to have a free newspaper to read. It's better that people are reading something than "playing with all their new electronic devices/gadgets" as my Pops would say. But that's another Ted rant for another Ted time.

I figured I would share this tidbit and break my near 1-month drought from what used to be a frequently visited blog. Yes, I have been very busy this summer. And, yes, I have abandoned writing in part because of my new obsession that monopolizes all my hours on computers: The Office. More to come on this soon. Maybe....who knows