Things I Don't Trust (Part 2)

Ok, so I started a list of "Things that I don't trust" in a blog I wrote in January. If you need to catch up on this list you can get to part 1 via the following link... http://ryforry.blogspot.com/2009/01/things-i-dont-trust.html

Anyhow, let's continue on this list, shall we?




8) Red-Sour Patch Kid Hogs
One of the most vile group of human beings, the selective SPK hunters will shamelessly pick out every red one in the batch, leaving all others with the three, still delicious, but less desirable flavors to choose from. The bottom line is that everyone knows the red ones are the best and there is only way to distribute these tart bundles of joy, and that is by chance. You just have to reach your hand in the bag, and take whatever you pull out, and hope that good fortune shines upon you. Annoyingly selective candy eating is not unique to Sour Patch Kids either. Any bag of assorted candy may ultimately end up exposing someone's poor character.
(One of my favorite stories that no one beside myself would think was funny happened on a Road Trip to the beach, when my buddy Ben had an unfortunate streak of picking yellow SPKs, clearly the least desirable of the 4 original flavors. This will happen when you play the candy-eating game fairly, but you have to go with the flow. He later hit a nice streak of reds)

9) Redheads
While we are on the subject of the color red, let's bring up this unique group of people. Have I encountered plenty of redheads in my life that I love to death? Yes of course. (And I certainly love you Red Mandee if you read this, despite the fact that this past weekend you said I would've been Hitler's prized child because of my breathtakingly handsome blue eye/blonde hair combo haha)Would I be surprised if all redheads had strange X-men-like mutant powers and were involved in a conspiracy to overthrow the current authorities that be and rule the planet? Not even a little. Besides, any category of people that Sam Greenberg could fit into is one to be wary of.

10)The Phoney Peacemakers
I love it--and that is a VERY sarcastic love it--when someone tries to position themselves in the middle of a dispute that has nothing to do with them. It's one thing if two of your best friends are about to fight to the death about who has the right to the last piece of pizza...you may want to intervene there. If someone is on the verge of attempting to make a complete fool out of themselves and this person is close to your heart, okay. But please, if you aren't close to the two people involved in an altercation, just stay away from it. People who put themselves directly in the middle of drama that affects them in no way, are clearly just looking to live vicariously through someone else's difficult times. People who get a cheap thrill out of getting in the middle of others' business or get a false sense of satisfaction as "peacemaker" in the situation should not be trusted. Glad we are on the same page here.

11)Wide Receivers
First there was Marvin Harrison's off-season incident in the summer of 2008. After that was Anquan Boldin's meltdown during the recent NFL Playoffs and subsequent contract complaints. It's only a matter of time before you find out that the guys who you think are exceptions to the T.O./Chad Johnson Wideout rule, end up falling right into the stereotype. It's really frustrating the list of NFL receivers that we can trust not to be a me-first, multi-million dollar baby, is getting slimmer and slimmer.

12) Britney Spears' Comeback (and what is says about humanity's progress)
Her music was pretty brutal to begin with, but still sold massive amounts. Now she is having an inane amount of success with a comeback...I shutter at the cultural implications. If there is a more conclusive sign that we should have "Epic Fail" stamped on the collective forehead of our "civilization", I have not scene it. And to think that there are lyrical geniuses in the world who struggle to have their voices heard while a whiny voiced, grown-up brat is repeating the word "womanizer" an excruciating number of times, and making millions of dollars by doing so. Let's move on before my anxiety issues worsen...

Actually, let's end on that note, and I can regroup mentally and hopefully post tomorrow. This week's gonna be brutal one. Wish me luck!