Halloween Skankiness

It's your favorite time of the year hoe-bags. It's that one day of the year where 96.4% of the female population decide that it's ok, nay encouraged, to dress like prostitutes. Whether you're a cop, a nurse, or a disney princess, chances are you're going to look looser than a defensive scheme in the NBA when October 31st rolls around.

It's really strange how excited the majority of girls get about looking slutty one day a year, while bitching about the lack of respect men show them the other 364. Yes, you will get some wandering male eyes and probably a few cat calls, but is that type of "show-it-off" personality going to get a decent man to get down on one knee anytime soon? I'm going to say no. And while the degree of skankiness a girl's costume has may not be completely proportional to the percentage chance she has of tying the knot, it definitely doesn't separate her from the crowd.

Does it bother me that females choose to dress like brothel workers on the Devil's day? No, not at all. As a matter of fact it makes alot of sense to me in the big scheme of things. That said, though you may catch a glance from me since I am both male and human, you will not be given the time of day. Why? Doing the female halloween norm with your costume is, whether inadvertant or not, telling me one of the following things about you:

1) You lack originality or are downright lazy- I've been to places the last 3 years where there have been tons of slutty nurses, hoards of skanky policewomen, and even multiple Snow White hookers in the same stinking party! Also, it takes a pretty cool chick to come out in something creative that can get a guys (or anyone's) attention without looking like a dancer in a bad-rap music video.

2) You are, in fact, a real life Slutty McSleepAround- I mean with some girls on Halloween, what you see from their costume choice is what you get. Easy costume, Eaaaaaasier female.

3) You're a slave to (whorish) convention/ You desperately need attention- It takes stones to dress differently then a group of friends, and girls are always rolling out in packs these days. And when you're in a pack, drawing attention is usually about who is the most over-the-top slutty looking. There's just never enough attention to go around, especially at costume parties.

4) I'm not writing any more, but I do get bonus points here for making the items in #3 rhyme.


Anyways, I felt like I should write about this now, because when Halloween rolls around, the only attire that matters is jerseys, cleats and gloves. I am officially transitioning into REPEAT-mindset, and if you aren't prefacing whatever it is you want to talk to me about with a Phillies related comment, chances are it will fall on deaf ears. 4 MORE WINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNS!