1) The following was started before Scotty's blog on bathroom etiquette, but was unfinished at the time of his fantastic post.(http://sdyes.blogspot.com/2009/10/serious-of-unfortunate-eventsin.html) Either way, there should never be a quota on how many people are allowed to touch on a poo-issue.
2) If you have a weak stomach when it comes to any issues involving restrooms, you may not want to read this entry.
OK, with those disclaimers out of the way, let's get into this mess.....
Why is defecation so uncomfortable for most people to talk about? There are so many poo-related issues but no official bathroom code on them. Why is it that you reach a certain age, and suddenly, the shit is off limits? Let's air out this situation together, shall we?
"Poopy" is one of my favorite words in the english language. Actually, I'm not positive it's in the dictionary, but I'll check that after I'm finished this post. Still, it's fun to say and it brings me back to an age of innocence. I was out playing quizzo at Iron Hill Brewery and the team names had to be one word. The man on the mic (Quizzo Master? Quizzo Coordinator? I don't know) read the names one by one. When he announced team "poopy" I laughed so hard I almost created their mascot. I mean, that is genius, and unexpected given the sophisticated atmosphere Iron Hill typically exemplifies.
Pooping can be an incredibly enjoyable experience. It can be a quiet (maybe quiet) break from the daily grind, a great period to text or think, or some much needed catch-up time on your latest reading material. Heck, one of my favorite Ryan-trademarked sayings originated from the anticipation of needing a potty break.
All you do is text "poo brew" to a friend (or enemy) and let them know that you will be indisposed indefinitely. Do they need to know this? Probably not, but the idea of letting someone random in your phonebook know that you got a chocolate sundae "brewing" so to speak is hilarious, and convenient if they wonder why you're not picking up your phone for them. Unless you enjoy casual convo on the pooper which is a whole nother story.
Females add a totally different dynamic to pooping. I have friends who are in their mid-20s and still attempt to convince themselves on a daily basis that girls don't do twosies. Add to that the fact that most guys like to wait a given amount of time before dumping at a gal's house if they're into her, and we're led to believe that there's something wrong with us because our body's way of letting go of waste travels through Rectum Road. Just the other week, my Mom had a friend over to the house who had to take a smash. Since we don't have a fan or a spray can of potpourri, she left the door partially cracked open in a move that reeked of both her lunch and her embarrasment. And I couldn't blame her, because that's a naturally awkward situation given the times we live in. I would've given her mad props and been shocked simultaneously if she had barged out, left the door wide open and declared, "Boy do I feel better now!"
I'll tell you what did not make me feel better: getting a new toilet in our upstairs bathroom.
Toilets are referred to as thrones, but a king's legs aren't supposed to be restricted on his throne. There was a perfect amount of space up there before, and after the switcheroo it became less comfortable than it once was. I will say this about the upstairs b-room: The side of the sink is perfectly aligned to rest a labtop or book/magazine on while handling some business. And a person's comfort is always key in their place of business. I have friends that will avoid dropping a deuce McAllister outside of their home by any means necessary. I'm definitely not like that, but would certainly never judge another for how they handle their poopy.
There are probably people who did not heed my fair warning and felt uncomfortable just reading this post. I think it a crying shame that this might be the case. In a perfect world we would talk openly about the crap we're feeling, maybe even sing about it....
People...I don't care whether you comment on this post in the AM or the PM just please, bring something to the table on BMs.
1 comment:
1. poopy is on my list or words i despise.
2. if you actually hung out with me and valerie you'd hear a lot of potty talk...she loves to talk about poop.
3. my brother in law was once in a band called "the bloody stool band" ...needless to say they sang a lot about poop.
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