Snuggie Trials and Rants from My Rocking Chair

Last Friday I tried on a snuggie for the first time. See...



Yup, that is a Philadelphia Eagles edition of the immensely popular infomercial blanket/sweater hybrid.

(The snuggie's owner--a girl who worked for the Eagles--and I argued jokingly that she should give it up for a couple minutes so I could try it out, which she did. This was followed by 5-10 minutes of very serious arguing about Donovan McNabb’s legitimacy as a top-tier quarterback and whether or not her argument could be hold weight, as she was an employee of the organization. As much as I enjoy the twist of arguing sports with a female who really knows her stuff, I prefer to keep my football and my romantic interests separate for the most part. Guys that I've talked to are split on this issue, but that's where I stand. Anyhow...)

I'm sure all of the players go home on brisk fall and winter nights after a hard-fought game and get into their team snuggie for awhile before hitting the hay. So naturally, I had to follow their lead and try that sucker out. I had heard as much about snuggies as the next guy, but would never buy one, so I seized my opportunity to see if it could live up to the hype.

It was pretty comfortable, a little too small on me, but not to the extent that it was physically restrictive. I'm sure they make different sizes anyway. It provided ample warmth for the brief period I was sporting it. I definitely enjoyed the movement I had in my arms, but I kept thinking to myself that it was ultimately unnecessary, and I would prefer a typical blanket any day of the week. I actually think having to leave the comfort of a blanket for a few minutes to grab a remote control or to take a leak makes you appreciate its warmth more when you return. And the transition itself between being cold to being warm is half the enjoyment of the body's temperature change.

I think the snuggie craze is emblematic of a larger idea embedded in a capitalist's mindset: If you can't think of something completely original, just tweak a classic and maybe it will become trendy enough to make you thousands. Or millions. (Not sure how much snuggies have grossed, although I am sure their inventor won't be going hungry this Thanksgiving) I'm not sure there's anything more/less wrong with this concept than any other one that involves making bank, I just think that a good amount of new crap is coming out these days that people could really do without. Then, said object becomes a trend and the self-imposed pressure to get it makes it feel like it's a necessity. Another big one for me is the internet on your phone. (RANT WARNING, I feel one coming on...) Are we really not around computers enough that we need to have internet access right in our pockets at all times. Yes, it's useful from time-to-time, but the majority of people I see with the feature could wait to get to a computer 95% of the time for whatever they're using it for at that point. Maybe there's a business aspect of this that I'm missing, I’m aware of the email aspect. It just stinks that people have to be ball-and-chains to their work and/or their phones. And trust me, I am admittedly awful with texting. I text way too much and would be better off not having a cell phone at all. However, I still think of text messaging as a ball-and-chain moreso to people than to technology. And I'd much rather be "too into" other human beings than to a popular website or a flashy gadget. What do I know though?

I really hope I don't become one of those old timers on my rocking chair complaining about everything current and how stuff was so much better back in the day...I think it's inevitable. Nah, I'll just write it out of my system, although there's certainly no harm in a rocking chair on a front porch. Now that's living the good life right there.

Wow, this blog went all over the place. I'm out like snuggies in 6 months...

Homie Like Home Fries

I'm not sure there's a better breakfast option than at 2 local spots my fam squad hits for first meal on occasion. 2 eggs any style, home fries, toast and coffee for a hair over 3 bucks. Cha-ching, breakfast is served. A delicious meal, and filling enough to satisfy even the most mammoth of hungers. The home fries can be thanked for that.

Home fries have sneaked up my lifetime list of favorite potato foods. They passed their close cousin hash browns, and are making the pust towards french..er freedom fry status. I do not forsee them passing fries on the list because I really only crave home fries for a brief window in the morning. Freedom fries I could eat from Noon at lunch till 4am at a diner. Still, the point is that home fries are superb. I like mine well done, with loads of ketchup. And sliced in chunks. Not as big on the cubed version or the grated kind.

On another potato note, I'm not really huge on mashed potatos. Apparently, my sis makes some phenomenal smashed taters so I'm missing out. They just never did alot for me. They've grown on me a little over the past year, mainly because I had some amazing ones at Jared's wedding last summer. They are down on my list of favorite potato dishes though. Not as far down as potato salad mind you, but still low.

Anyhow, homie like his home fries, holla...

Dear Diary, I shall henceforth call you "Blog" to avoid sounding lame

So I was having trouble sleeping last night and was deep in thought and prayer to aid the process and to simultaneously avoid doing absolutely nothing in the dark for an extended period of time. I came to some pretty eye-opening religious/life conclusions. Hopefully I will shape and edit them into a comprehensible blog at a date to be determined, after thoughtful procrastination of course. But as I was attempting to collect my scattered thoughts, I began to realize that certain things were very borderline diaryesque.

As I pondered briefly the concept of a blog to begin with, I started to see the very blurred line that separated ramblings such as mine from your stereotypical 13-year-old girl's pink journal, which held all of her significant pre-pubescent crushes, secrets, and things of that nature. Sure, there are differences. I choose to publish my personal material in a public forum rather than keep it under bed, lock and key. I definitely don't crush on boys or feel the need to angrily write about my parents embarrasing me. And I would certainly hope that despite my propensity to say things like "ikeem" and "blankee", I do have a better grasp on the english language than your average 13-year-old. But I'm getting away from the point...

The justification for having a diary or a blog (a bloggary) could still be identical. Both are methods of venting. Both are ways to turn your thoughts into solid crap you can see. A blog is just a cooler, older-person way to pull off a diary without being made fun of...as much...And what's with people starting their thoughtful entries with "Dear Diary". I really don't understand why kids feel the need to write like that. Maybe they feel like it gives their thoughts some sort of clear-cut beginning, end and general format. Maybe people never really wrote like this, then it somehow became a prescribed Hollywood notion of what a diary log looks like so people adopted it.
You only say Dear _____ if you're addressing a person. For example:


Dear Martha,

My tea cozies have pick-up trucks and tool boxes sewn in.

Sincerely,
Ryan

PS- I wanted to drop your name in honor of you finding this blog. Thank you for getting me over the quarter-dozen hump in readership.


I would even condone writing to an imaginary friend over writing to the book itself. But alas, the average American imagination has withered with the concurrent blooming of really awful TV shows for kids. It's a legit issue that I will have to get into sometime. By the time I have kids, I'll have way bigger worries than if the first words that come when they put the pen to the paper are "Dear Diary." Shoot, at least they'll be writing.

OK let's recap the main points:
-I invent words like "bloggary" when I can't sleep
-Never really understood the whole "Dear Diary" writing intro
-There is no shame in lame. Only shame in lack of imagintation.

Broken Sunglasses/Broken Man

Today I put my sunglasses in my pocket. Worst decision ever.

At approximately 2:15 PM (EST), while helping a friend move, a mattress was awkwardly shoved against my jean pocket, snapping the fragile glasses frame into 2 parts, left eye sun-protection and right eye protection with nosepiece. This was a devastating way to start my week.

Let me give you some background on these sunglasses. For starters, they were purchased originally from Fossil(the make has since been discontinued) by a close friend. I hate to call him out on this, especially after you read about the role that he plays in this love story, but I have to be honest about the facts: He's kind of a sunglass man whore, just using pairs till he finds a new one that treats him good. Occasionally he'll settle down with a pair, but in reality he is to sunglasses what I'd imagine John Mayer is to Hollywood's female population.

One sunny day, the friend lent me this pair of shades, as he had moved on to another set and had these ones lying around. I put them on and it was love at first wear. Fashion-wise, sunglasses are the type of thing that really need to fit someone's face well or they don't work at all. Function-wise, sunglasses need to be the right tint and structure to feel comfortable while providing glare protection. It's really difficult to find the perfect pair sometimes, and I had been turned off to the whole shades scene by past relationships. Until these came along...

They fit perfectly, and the brown tint complimented both some of my favorite attire and enhanced the colors I saw the outside world in when they were on. My friend instantly saw the connection, and after a few months, officially handed them off to me. Months passed, and our connection only grew. We fielded compliments on our pairing on a regular basis, while getting through some difficult drives and enjoying some easy-going tailgates and beachtrips together.

Yesterday and Today, we had a surprise winter excursion together, as the weather became near-balmy for a short span. And that's when the disaster happened. I felt it coming as I put them in my pants pocket, that feeling of impending doom. I foolishly thought that the pants pocket had the best chance to keep them safe, enshrined in a denim dwelling rather than exposed to the outside perils of the moving day. And putting them down would risk them getting lost in the shuffle, a risk I couldn't in good conscience take.

Why didn't I keep them on you ask? Because wearing sunglasses indoors or on a rainy day is the equivalent to a couple making out on a subway, or salivating all over each other as they share one side of a restaurant's booth while the other remains unoccupied. No, me and those sunglasses were too classy for a move like that. What a frustrating end....

What's left to say but goodbye?

Farewell sweet shady spectacles, you will be missed, but hopefully there's another pair out there just like you. I will soon find out.

Let the search of a broken man for a new relationship begin...

Winter Wander-Land

It never ceases to amaze me how depressing this time of year is. There's a lull right after you lose an hour of daylight and before you gain any holiday cheer that's just downright dreadful. As someone who has been in and out of more winter (and just general) funks than I'd like to admit, the signs that it is just that, a funk, become extremely evident....

--People start convincing themselves that they're alone in the world because they're single, meanwhile the people who are in relationships with anyone but a spouse or fiance desperately want out, but are more often times than not terrified to admit it. I've been on both sides of this dastardly coin, and have found that "the grass is always greener" applies even more readily to the given situation during the winter blues months.

--Everyone seems to be in a trance, just wandering from place-to-place, on autopilot, not really calculating what's going on in the world around them. People make faces like they're sleepy when they've had plenty of shut-eye, and trudge about like everyday of life was preceded by a day in which they took part in a mini-marathon. In reality, the previous day was just like the current one: zoned out waiting for the next "thing" to grab one's fleeting attention.

--Much like the lull that consumes the day, a lull consumes larger periods of time, making it difficult to remember exact dates and events. This is not as bad for football fans, since we can just remember the closest game on the schedule to the even we're thinking about, and most of the time can get in the ballpark timezone-wise.

--Working out....BAHAHAHAHA, good luck. It's tough enough getting out of bed and busting your ass at work or school or commuting somewhere or waiting in line for a damn coffee so you don't go postal on someone along the way. Working out? That's just not going to happen and if it somehow does, it won't be with the same frequency or intensity.

.....There are literally a zillion other tall tale signs that you're in an early winter rut, but I'm going to stop there and look at the picture below...





This picture generally makes me happy during colder months. I really don't know how it wouldn't if you have ever read Calvin and Hobbes in your life. Best comic ever, but that's a blog for another day. Just had to share the cozy pic...

The idea of a "cozy" place isn't too masculine. I don't know why. But I do enjoy coziness, especially in the winter. I'm taking it upon myself to make "cozy" a masculine word.

You will henceforth think of cozy in the same light as you do "steak, guns, lager, football and ikeem."
...okay, maybe not ikeem, but you get my drift. Back to wandering....

Most Disturbing Picture of the Day/Month/Life

View at your own risk...This is undoubtedly the most unsettling picture I have seen in awhile. Ex-slugger Sammy Sosa is pulling a Michael Jackson apparently. Why, why, WHY would someone do this to themselves?!?! To think that I've been really tight on finances recently and Sammy is spending his millions to get paler.

Weekend Thumbs Up and Thumbs Down

One of the reoccurring entries I do on my blog is the Thumbs Up/Thumbs Down piece, to give people an idea of the highlights and lowlights of my thrilling life. It really is just a variation of basically the same regurgitated style of writing all 3 of you have become accustomed to over my time spewing my thoughts into the blogosphere. (Note: The word “blogosphere” really does something for me. It’s fun to toss around) Anyhow, on to the good and bad from Halloweekend 2009…

Thumbs Up: To watching everyday actions performed by people in costumes. There were multiple times throughout my weekend where I was LOL’ing over something that I wouldn’t look twice at, had the people involved not been goofily dressed up. The more serious the interaction, the more ridiculous looking in costume. For example, anyone trying to bust a move while wearing a Zorro mask, hat and cape (Me) would make a complete ass out of themselves regardless of how stellar their routine was. Two guys with egos jawing at each other on the verge of a physical confrontation normally would seem either serious or stupid (depending on what the fight was over) but really, in costume, it’s just hysterical looking. Other random things made hilarious by costume include: Flirting, ordering a drink, taking a leak (I was having some cape issue in the restroom at times), waiting in a line, crossing a street, hailing a cab etc. Just priceless….
Thumbs Down: Obnoxious chodes who ruin a night out. They are everywhere, there’s no doubt about it. Still, they are far more prevalent in certain areas than in others. West Chester, for instance, is in the Macho-Douchebag-Town Hall of Fame. I think after this past weekend, I can safely add Manayunk to that list. There were no incidents that completely destroyed my time, but I got a bit nervous a few times that a situation might be looming. Whenever that personality type is around, you got to keep an eye out.

Thumbs Up: The Eagles really laid the smack down on the Giants on Sunday afternoon. They set the stage for what all of Philly hoped would be a full day of New York whuppings. Unfortunately, the Big Apple bashing only lasted for till the night came…
Thumbs Down: Some costly mistakes by the Phils to go down 3-1 in the World Series. Saturday hurt a little, but Sunday was agonizing. I’ve never received so many texts in my life that said something to the extent of, “I just feel physically sick after watching that game. This suuuuucks.”

Thumbs Down: Whenever the Sister takes trips home to visit from Happy Valley, we seem to be on completely different schedules. We’re both always ecstatic to see each other but have trouble getting substantial chill-time. We ended up knocking out a solid 3 seasons of the Office together but could not watch episodes from the other 3 together.
Thumbs Up: To our unsuccessful, yet entertaining, trip costume hunting for me. Great bro-sis time, and I ended up going with old faithful (Zorro) anyway, so it all worked out. One of the highlights of my weekend. We counsel each other through our predicaments with the opposite sex and dissect good/bad/awkward Lewis Family dynamics…of which there are many.

Thumbs Up: To the Blanch family costume party, which was pretty awesome, to no one’s surprise. They are just fun people to be around, and always deliver the goods for any seasonal get-together. I’m sure there will be pictures that I will never see due to my facebook departure, but I have no doubt they will give excellent representation of the H-Town mayhem.
Thumbs Down: To having a great weekend end on such a sour note. I know I brought them up before, but the Phightins are just killing me right now. I’m trying to keep the faith that the Phils will make it a series and somehow take this to a game 7….I’m not giving up yet. We’re on the ropes, but not out for the count…
Thumbs Up: Phils win tonight and take the series back to NY. Is it the blind optimist in me talking? Yes. But it’s also very doable. Go Phils!



Oh, and, as always...
Thumbs Down: To radical liberal thinking, and
Thumbs Up: To ryforry.blogspot.com