Altoids and Lebron James' Pregame Baby Powder Routine

I eat altoids like a fiend, and that's putting it mildly. They give you the best buy for your buck and are the best breath-freshening tool ever invented. They are as addictive as crack, but you have to make sacrifices for a mint that's that stupendous. Here are some of the things you have to know about my relationship with altoids:




•The official way to ask me if you would like to have one of my altoids is, "Can I cop a 'toid" If you don't ask this way, you may receive an altoid from me, but I can't promise you that it will be with a smile on my face. My man Jake Kurz has by far the best approval rating as far as requesting one of these minty delicacies properly.

•I consume on average approximately 2.3 boxes of altoids per month which averages out to something like 156 toids every 4 business weeks.

•My mint use and altoid use started at different times. My mint use became very heavy when I used to be a cigarette smoker, and continues now because I am a heavy coffee drinker. (Coffee-breath is pretty vile) My altoid use, however, was mainly because I smelled 2 different people's good breath (Sarah Mayo and Shannon Gallagher, for anyone who would know the names) from a foot or so away, and asked them for a mint. Wouldn't ya know, they both whipped out a pack of A-bombs.

(SIDE NOTE ALERT SIDE NOTE ALERT TANGENT! TANGENT! ::: The kid on the computer across from me is named Hank. "See ya later Hank," his friend just said to him. hahaha HANK! I just realized how uncommon that name is. How many kids are named "Hank" these days? Props to that young fella, I have no doubts that he is a cool individual)

•I once wrote a poem for a Poetry class at Temple about Altoids. Actually I'm going to track it down and post it below...one sec...
(5 minutes later)
A 50g pack of that good shit will do me right
Let me give you a hint, it's strong and it's white
These lines do more than meet the eyes at first glance
Oh you're curious to what this substance is I suppose
It's the kind you can taste as it penetrates the nose
Don't knock it till you've tried it, just give it one chance
Stupid, I write stupid poems sometimes

•I've never met an altoid I did not get along with, although allow me to provide a list in very climactic descending order. (NOTE: Chocolate not included cuz they're not classic toid style)

5)Cinnamon....not a huge fan of cinnamints
4)Wintergreen...it's ok but it wouldn't get "best man" status at my wedding
3)Creme de Menthe...tasty treat, a bit exotic, its kind of a mood thing, like chinese food
2)Peppermint...classic choice, can't go wrong, they're the originals
1)Spearmint...they're my second favorite green thing after the Eagles. Although given the recent Birds moves, they may top the list

•Lastly, I've come to realize that most times you open a box of altoids the powder explodes out of the box, not too flagrantly, but kind of like 2 seconds of minty fireworks. It's eerie how much this eruption resembles Lebron James pregame ritual where he tosses the baby powder into the air, as fans watch the simple sight with wide eyes. It's such an awesome sight, so majestic. So strong...

Maybe even Curiously strong?