My Holy War Against Intentional Acoustic Romanticism

Quick Aside before I get down to business: I hope you dig the somewhat new and improved look of the blog. My man Tyrone made that banner, so much love and thanks to him and his incredibly artistic eye. I really wanted to get a C.S. Lewis quote up here and I thought the one I picked fit the feel of the page most. Still, I wanted to share the other ones. I could write (and probably will write at some point in the future) a post on why Lewis is the greatest writer ever, but for now I'll just show you the other 2 quotes I was considering...


"Reason is the natural order of truth; but imagination is the organ of meaning."

"If we discover a desire within us that nothing in this world can satisfy, also we should begin to wonder if perhaps we were created for another world."



Wow, after those quotes, anything I write is going to sound trivial, and rightfully so. Maybe I'll just put a wildly obnoxious space in between them and my own subject matter out of principle....















There once was a series of Miller Lite commercials that featured football referees throwing penalty flags for various life-fouls. The point of the commercial was that a person would get a flag hurled their way if they were drinking something other than Miller Lite. But they occasionally would throw flags for other man-code violations, to set up their main point. In one such set-up, a group of people are around a campfire and one guy begins strumming his acoustic guitar and playing a cheesy love song that starts with the lyrics "the moonlight hits your eyes..." Before he can make it through the first couple lines, WHAM! The ref throws a flag hitting the guitar and promptly cutting off the painfully awkward love song. The penalty? "Intentional Acoustic Romanticism on the guy in the red shirt," yells the official, who afterward flags him for drinking a light beer that isn't a Miller.

This commercial peaked at a time when toolism (Webster's defines toolism as "The practice of making people want to drop-kick you off a balcony just for being alive")was prevalent in society. Scholars say that during this period fraternities reached record high admittance rates, and stores were selling out of beach-shell-necklaces quicker than beanie babies in the late 90s.(Note:Legit surfers invented the shell-necklace trend, but quickly discarded it when they saw what it became) It was during this age also, that Intentional Acoustic Romanticism was flourishing. Nitwits would pick up acoustic guitars and write "love" songs with contrived lyrics for the sole purpose of scoring broads who thought they were sensitive or had an ounce of actual musical talent. They would exploit public forums such as beaches or parks and play in such a way that drew unwarranted amounts of attention from passing females. It got so bad, that true lyricists who had something of worth to share resigned themselves to playing in solitude, so as not to be misconstrued as tools with ill intentions. Here's where I, the historian documenting the aforementioned era of toolism, come into play...

The acoustic guitar has become like a knife. They both were invented for practical use, the former to make music, the latter as a cutting device. Over the years however, man has corrupted these objects, the latter to murder/maim people, the former to be promiscuous with girls who are foolish enough to get sucked in by contrived lyrics. I want to take back the acoustic guitar as a musical instrument, doggone it!!! I'm going to lead this revolution! I should be able to play a song on my front porch when it's nice out, singing audibly without feeling the need to hush my voice for chicks who think that my aim might be to woo them. And if you stand behind your lyrics/songs as creative and original, you should be able to play without fear also!

So how do we start this revolution? I don't know exactly, but I've got some ideas. And I know it's not going to be easy. A collective effort from lyricists against I.A.R. needs to happen. I'm just one guy with a blog, an acoustic guitar, and a front porch that begs to be played on when this time of year (beautiful weather time) rolls around. Culture has to be eased out of this dark age. We can't just go out somewhere public right away and start playing "Brown Eyed Girl" or any John Mayer song ever written. No, no...we must begin with songs that have underlying themes that lie outside courtship, and those that are written by artists who the tools haven't already usurped ideas from. Discernment is the name of the game. It's going to take some time, but I have a vision. A vision of a world where I can take my guitar to wherever I so choose and start playing "Cupid" by Jack Johnson without feeling the least bit awkward. Someday friends, someday...